la La LA Duah♪♫♪....(Warning lots of Puns at the end.)

Music, you move me with your rhythm and your rhyme; hypnotizing and piercing ever my war'ish thought struck mind. In my ear you move me, grove me, make me sway with all the notes your masters do play. I hear what I need and even if its just noise, I can see the picture of what it is my desire brings. My body is the temple and you the holiest of host. The day is taxing yet you’re relaxing. Even with all this chaos your just what I need. This is my country and I am a grungy sort of women. However, even this small speaker can make a one man band into a big band and make me feel more classic. So I rock or roll with it depending on the shoes on my feet. I might get hip hop with a beat or dub my step if i don't know alternative moves. With music the possibilities are endless. I would give you some clues on dance moves but you could get the blues. Metal is not often with pop, neither is Mentos... Fact.

Depressed is the new black

Dare I look at myself in the glass to view, what a mess I have turned into? I look and see a figure that could be me, and I must confess that down and depressed fits me best. Dark and alone in this big cold home, that was once my castle,tall and full of laughter. After some time it was no long sublime and depression became my captor. He grabbed me up and my crown fell to the ground, then without my permission my castle became my prison. No matter what people do or say I cannot seem to get away. Encouraging words and genuine love is out there but, mean, twisted, harsh words is all I hear in my mind. I am afraid that some day the sadness wont leave and I will never return to me. Instead of looking for help, I sit alone with myself. Weak and frail, ugly and vile, worthless and broken, thoughts that I start to believe in. There was once happiness and confidence, now replaced with hate and loneliness. Eventually the depression cycle will end and I will return to me again.

Settling. . . From the inside

I am scared that I won't find someone who will be everything I want and that will see me as everything they want. Relationships take time and I get that, but I am tired of the heart wrenching feeling I get when I know I am yet again not going to work out with my lover and if I do it's because I have settled.

Reason for settling. I am crazy in all sorts of manners and the lack there of, smart(smart ass, thinks I am smart, smart alic, smarty marty)' sexually sexy in a sexy way, wanting to be needy but too tough to let too much of it show, yet still as demanding of attention as a new kitten, and insecure of myself worth. Thus I do the open up and rip off the mask routine and because my personality is a cavernous labyrinth of excitement and dismay along with screaming cry ing fucking and laughing I am a whirlwind of 'holy shit what the fuck' said in many different fashions good, bad, and otherwise. Because of this and my very much Martyness(Marty is my nickname) I settle for fear I won't find another that will, as I precise it, tolerate me. Thus being alone with ALL of me and of cores my pets.

My thoughts...

Bleeding happiness

Depression strikes like a cobra with fangs lodged deep and venom flowing like a river in my arms to my heart and all I want to do is cut it out of me so I can feel happy again.

From chaos to sanity

My mind wonders from the depths of chaos to the edge of sanity.

I can do nothing but hope that the journey helps me develop myself further as a whole.

The many pieces that make up the mosaic that is Martha is a jumbles mess of the happy, sad, mad, glad, terribly, horrifically, wonderful mayhem that is I.