Too hot!

Because sometimes it's good to stand and stare into your fridge like an empty, bottomless, pit of entertainment. Eating cherry tomatoes and itching your foot on the floor. Whilst thinking random thoughts that are often dirty but sometimes not. Your high as fuck, but you still feel low. You reach your foot back to close the fridge but instead kick your cat in her side. She reacts dramatically by lying down as if being deflated. I know she's not hurt, but she is as dramatic as her mother. So she's going to play it up. Instead of caring on my day of nothingness, upstairs, I now sit on the floor intrigued by my cat. I think to myself what is cat? Deep question for someone as high as myself. And in that very moment my cat looks deeply inside of me as if asking herself 'what is human'? We share this moment, her and I,  just asking ourselves what is? Eventually we both came to the conclusion that we are getting a little too gay and went our own separate ways. Today's a hot day! It's too hot to be dressed, too hot to move, too hot to breathe. My air conditioner is not and it seems like my fridge is only working subpar. Why am I writing this you ask? Because it's too hot to do anything else.

Depressed is the new black

Dare I look at myself in the glass to view, what a mess I have turned into? I look and see a figure that could be me, and I must confess that down and depressed fits me best. Dark and alone in this big cold home, that was once my castle,tall and full of laughter. After some time it was no long sublime and depression became my captor. He grabbed me up and my crown fell to the ground, then without my permission my castle became my prison. No matter what people do or say I cannot seem to get away. Encouraging words and genuine love is out there but, mean, twisted, harsh words is all I hear in my mind. I am afraid that some day the sadness wont leave and I will never return to me. Instead of looking for help, I sit alone with myself. Weak and frail, ugly and vile, worthless and broken, thoughts that I start to believe in. There was once happiness and confidence, now replaced with hate and loneliness. Eventually the depression cycle will end and I will return to me again.

The vast reality of uncertainty makes my rebellion more raw and honest.

Who are you to judge me? I am but you, but, white, female, short, younger, older, what have you but, you all the same. Just looking for answers in a vast sea of questions that will never be directly answered to my face by The Man or really any ONE who feels they have been anointed with the ability to tell me what it is that they think that I am doing that is so wrong. Shit, no one can directly define what wrong is because they are so afraid of being wrong. Lord, he the inanimate object, is the only one to truly know the 'true' wrong from right. So, I will continue to find out for myself what it means to be good and bad, good and evil, or wrong and right. After all, I am the only one who has to live with the decisions I have made for myself. When all is said and done everyone can banish me like a leper and I can die alone like I so yearn for, but not really. Even the most introverted person seeks friendship sometime. 

What's this thought formed in the shape of a questionable idea? Tis Curiosity.

The purest form of query is that developed by one who is not restrained by the forces of the outside world, cult mass, known as society. Yet instead, intrigued by forcing the limits of comfortable living and charging with great force that which society calls order. They are not afraid to unveil the treasures within the mangled mess of confusion that is ones true self, rather than idle by like a stoic imbecile. Their purpose is not, for they are not that vain, but yet instead because society has devolved past courteousness, is seen as insane. One man's trash, is this man says, the ever popular populous of presumptuous pinheads. The only time civilization will give you, is the ever uncivil Time Of Death. You speak too loud, you act too proud and you'll never be better than the we that is society.

I would Live in the shadows, but I am afraid of the dark.