Depressed is the new black

Dare I look at myself in the glass to view, what a mess I have turned into? I look and see a figure that could be me, and I must confess that down and depressed fits me best. Dark and alone in this big cold home, that was once my castle,tall and full of laughter. After some time it was no long sublime and depression became my captor. He grabbed me up and my crown fell to the ground, then without my permission my castle became my prison. No matter what people do or say I cannot seem to get away. Encouraging words and genuine love is out there but, mean, twisted, harsh words is all I hear in my mind. I am afraid that some day the sadness wont leave and I will never return to me. Instead of looking for help, I sit alone with myself. Weak and frail, ugly and vile, worthless and broken, thoughts that I start to believe in. There was once happiness and confidence, now replaced with hate and loneliness. Eventually the depression cycle will end and I will return to me again.

Settling. . . From the inside

I am scared that I won't find someone who will be everything I want and that will see me as everything they want. Relationships take time and I get that, but I am tired of the heart wrenching feeling I get when I know I am yet again not going to work out with my lover and if I do it's because I have settled.

Reason for settling. I am crazy in all sorts of manners and the lack there of, smart(smart ass, thinks I am smart, smart alic, smarty marty)' sexually sexy in a sexy way, wanting to be needy but too tough to let too much of it show, yet still as demanding of attention as a new kitten, and insecure of myself worth. Thus I do the open up and rip off the mask routine and because my personality is a cavernous labyrinth of excitement and dismay along with screaming cry ing fucking and laughing I am a whirlwind of 'holy shit what the fuck' said in many different fashions good, bad, and otherwise. Because of this and my very much Martyness(Marty is my nickname) I settle for fear I won't find another that will, as I precise it, tolerate me. Thus being alone with ALL of me and of cores my pets.

My thoughts...

Bleeding happiness

Depression strikes like a cobra with fangs lodged deep and venom flowing like a river in my arms to my heart and all I want to do is cut it out of me so I can feel happy again.

Plovers Drive Thru....We serve obesity threw a window.

This blog will be the short story's I wright whale working at my fast food job. If you are confused about any of the characters, just ask me in the comments and I will explain who influenced them that day; and in no particular order....Enjoy.

Hi Welcome to plovers. Can i stab you in the neck today?? Well then may I turn your unborn child into a burger? I will name it the child molester, it will come with a free side of candy. No again?!? Well aren't you picky.... How about I ram a large fry up your ass with three sides of ranch? I think it will go great with how pinguid you are. Well fine then drive away, you suck anyway!


There is a dog running in a meadow full of dandelion's, then suddenly a zombie appears from no were and BAM.... The dog pulls out a double barrel 12 gauge sawed off shotgun and blows the mother fuckers head clean off.... Just as its rotting corps hits the ground a young boy who owns the dog come over the ridge... Scout?!? Scout!? he shouts. The dog just stands there with the gun then BAM Marty stops writing. ;p

She was stumbling down a dark and damp ally in the lower end of New Jersey, looking to score some tar. When above her she hears what she thinks to be a bird swooping by. Then she sees what it really is.... She starts to genuflect and pray.
Dear God,
I see who you have sent for me today, and I am not
scared.For I know that I am not a good, clean, or
forgivable person. However I am sorry.
and before she can say amen her head is rolling into a dirty puddle. The silent strikers job is done and another jukey is put to rest.

So a dude walks in a barn and asks a horse why the long face?.... I want to kill. I want to kill a well-built white man. I want to stab him multiple times in his chest. I want to look him in the eyes, and him look back into mine. I want to watch the life drain from his eyes,and have him look at me and know I have all the power an I am taking his life and I could stop when ever I want... but I don't want to .

I need to get ready for a party and I have been writing these for a while, so I will finish typing them all up later.