I am scared that I won't find someone who will be everything I want and that will see me as everything they want. Relationships take time and I get that, but I am tired of the heart wrenching feeling I get when I know I am yet again not going to work out with my lover and if I do it's because I have settled.
Reason for settling. I am crazy in all sorts of manners and the lack there of, smart(smart ass, thinks I am smart, smart alic, smarty marty)' sexually sexy in a sexy way, wanting to be needy but too tough to let too much of it show, yet still as demanding of attention as a new kitten, and insecure of myself worth. Thus I do the open up and rip off the mask routine and because my personality is a cavernous labyrinth of excitement and dismay along with screaming cry ing fucking and laughing I am a whirlwind of 'holy shit what the fuck' said in many different fashions good, bad, and otherwise. Because of this and my very much Martyness(Marty is my nickname) I settle for fear I won't find another that will, as I precise it, tolerate me. Thus being alone with ALL of me and of cores my pets.
My thoughts...
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